Weight Watchers Update.

or better yet, her:
(i promise to recreate this ridiculous image if i lose the weight.)
I gained 10.6 pounds in 4 weeks. Every week I told myself I was going to lose the weight. The first week I missed my weight watchers meeting. I decided I'll go next week when I lost the 3 pounds I gained from my stomach flu binge. Easy. The next week I gained 2 more pounds. Naturally, I googled: how to lose 5 pounds in a week. A week went by, I gained 2 more. How to lose 7 pounds in one week? I called my sister and she encouraged me to go in and face the facts. She reminded me it's not the first time they've seen this happen. I went in today. Yep, 10.6 pounds. The sickest part? After the weigh in and a great meeting and my resolve to eat healthier? I came home and made homemade pepperoni pizza with my kids for dinner. I ate way too much. The whole time I was pigging out, I was thinking of the hilarious new Instagram account "You Did Not Eat That". As much as I would love the attention, I will unfortunately never make it on that feed because I have 150 pounds of "I DID Eat That' on my ass for proof. Plus I never take food selfies. And more than any of this, I'm irrelevant. Wah.

The topic at the Weight Watchers meeting today was on snacks. We were divided into groups to talk about our favorite snacks. The ideas people told me were insane. Stuff like one slice of cheese on a cracker. ONE SLICE ONE CRACKER? Not in my world. A woman mentioned she saw a sale on Weight Watchers 24 pack of popsicles at the grocery store. I would polish off that box in a couple of days. Hours. The thinnest woman in the group suggested she tops one vanilla wafer with a dollop of pudding and whip cream. Then freeze it. Tastes like pie. WTF? I know it's like pie. I'll eat ten. Plus, that tub of left over whip cream will be calling my name all night until I either eat it or throw it away. I can't have that stuff in my house. Point in case: I had left over pizza dough tonight. Couldn't let that go waste. My solution: dessert pizza.

I slathered the dough with butter, baked it for 10 minutes, then drizzled it with chocolate syrup, chocolate chips, and (get this) Joe Joes. Why do I even own chocolate syrup? Chocolate Chips. Freakin JOE JOES. I popped the pan back in the oven for another 2 minutes to make it all melty and perfect. Have you ever eaten baked Joe Joes? Neither had I until tonight. Inspiring. I had two giant slices with my kids and then scrapped the pan cleaned. Oh yeah, while it was cooking, I ate 3 Joe Joes. It could be more. I lost track. But no worries. I walked 11,287 steps today. Yay. It's like it never happened. Fetch me my bikini. I'm ready for my selfie.

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  1. hilarious as hell - there is no better blog

  2. This is perfect, I still have a huge grin all over my face.
    And: you are SO not alone out there.

  3. I have been working out but last night I ate a cheeseburger with 4 pieces of bacon on it and today convinced my husband we needed pizza for lunch so yeah I am right there with you!

  4. Sharon you are the best! I love your hysterical honesty!! I too struggle to balance how much I LOVE delicious food with how much I wish it didn't make me pudge and even though I weigh in weekly at WW it's often not enough to make me put down that third slice of pizza! We'll figure it out (I hope!)

  5. Sharon, you really knocked this one out of the park. What a post. I was actually visualizing the food. Brilliant. This one will be a hit.

  6. I've been piging out like there's no tomorrow. I just love to eat more than I love anything. And I'm not saying that just for the sake of saying it. I MEAN IT.

    I have a problem. A real one.

  7. I think Weight Watchers is extremely unrealistic for the long term.... for most people. Slow changes over time (maybe just one slice of dessert pizza?) are better than dramatic ones all at once.

    Regardless, this post was so funny and true! :)

  8. I'm right there with you, except my scale is not as kind. My ultimate goal is to get down to 170, and I'm 5'2". It's an absolute compulsion. Food is my drug of choice. I picked up a Geneen Roth book. It made a lot of sense, but I don't think I'm ready for it yet.

    I'm sure you look completely normal and beautiful. :)

  9. Whenever I start obsessing about my weight and what I eat it only makes me gain more weight. The ONLY thing that has been helpful in getting me to lose weight is being really busy--too busy to eat and think about food all the time.

    Can you give yourself three months to not think about it and just bask in how awesome you are? Also...that picture you posted on a cruise ship of yourself looking (as you said) 4 months pregnant? That is me on a good weight day. So...it's all relative, girl! It's not the end of the world if you can't wear a bikini this summer. Trust me!

  10. Maybe you continue to eat what you want b/c deep down you feel you look fine/are content with how you look? Maybe you just feel like you should loose weight? I think if you felt some urgency you'd probably diet?

  11. one tip. don't go on pinterest when you are hungry. stomach pains

  12. i have zero self control, it's ridiculous. I would have done the same as you but put peanut butter all over those bakes joe joes.

  13. Second paragraph is 100% spot on. Love this post.

  14. you're hilarious - I feel your pain. I totally get that.

  15. This blog entry is HI-LAR-IOUS! I seriously think your honest, truthful, funny writing is a gift!

  16. You look GREAT Sharon...and WW sucks. It's mind bending to control every bit of food that goes down your throat...and they've turned it into a money making obsession. I did it when I was a teen (blame my mom who has the whole keychain kaboodle). Clearly you're not obsessed!
    Have you heard of Whole30? Look up #whole30 and #jennaswhole30 on Instagram...I've been doing it for a few weeks and it's everything they rave about.
    Anyways, bless you for this post. I make homemade pizza when I host friends over...I now know what I'm going to do with the leftover dough!

  17. Hilarious post! I think we all go through phases where we just go completely overboard (or at least I do too!). As often as you post about weight/food on your blog, its clear that it bothers you. I agree with the comments that being busy is the best antidote and it sounds like you have a busy summer ahead so I'm sure things will return to normal. I think that not being too crazy in either direction (over-eating or over-dieting) is the best model for our daughters.

    1. Ditto. Love your comment...great points...I couldn't have said it any better.

  18. Sharon, you're just the best. Beyond being SUPER funny, you'r smart, talented, healthy and beautiful - don't forget that!

    I can't keep sweets in the house because I'll eat them ALL. My new trick is to buy myself one (OK, two) mini peppermint patty's from the market downstairs. I get something sweet to eat every night after dinner, but I'm not eating an entire pint of ice cream or package of cookies.

  19. Soooooo with you on this. I'm in that "i could lose a few pounds" dilemma too, where I'd prefer to look better, buuuuut I'd still do me. ;) When I hear/see that, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels," I'm always thinking, no, heaaaalthy food doesn't taste as good. They've clearly forgotten what good food tastes like. My yoga teacher gave me a recipe for "a treat." You slice bananas, make a filling of greek yogurt and pb2, make little banana sandwiches, and then freeze them on a cookie sheet. 1) as though there's room in my freezer for a cookie sheet, 2) sounds like my sensitive teeth and fillings would love that, and most of all 3) even if that's 10 calories, I'd rather use my 10 cal on something else.

    Like, when I'm on my deathbed, I'm sure I'll be thinking of my loved ones and happy memories, but I really think overall I'll be saddest about not getting to eat again. :( THAT is how much I love food.

    My friends are always shocked that I can have a giant bowl of little snickers in my living room, but honestly, once I feel like I can have something, I don't want it as much. You know, like men. ;) Seriously though, I've found that being busy does help, but letting go of the guilt and not identifying any food as "bad" has helped me the most. If I'm told I "can't" have something, that makes me want it a million times more than I really do.

  20. You're really, really funny. Love this blog.

  21. Dieting is the worst and it doesn't work! I have been trying to diet for the past 5 years and through the restrict--eat just to eat--shame cycle I have put on 30 lbs.!!! I read a book called Intuitive Eating and it all made so much sense. When you restrict something your brain doesn't know the difference between you self restricting and an actual famine so it sends signals for you to stock up. Dieting causes you to fight your own body, so what feels like no will power is actually biology. My only rule for eating is when I am eating that is the only thing I am doing (no tv or books) and it is preferably at a table. (I find if I am at a table cheetos don't sound that good to me because they won't look pretty on a plate ha!) That's it! and I am finally losing weight and don't have to worry about putting it back on. What is weird is I am eating like I did as a teenager, only when I am hungry, and I tend to eat healthy about 85% of the time just because that is what I am craving.

  22. I love you so much, me you and Chris are doing that picture on the cruise.

    1. Totally! Cheese:) Hahahaha

  23. Oh my gosh, this post made me laugh SO HARD! I just stumbled upon your blog (ok fine, I mean clicked a link on Joanna's blog) and it's possible I'll be stalking it for quite awhile so you can make me laugh constantly. Thank you!

  24. Brilliant. At work they put on birthday cake for every birthday. As the company grows, the more often cake appears. During my first month I got a slice of cake a couple of times. Now I go back for thirds. And people know me as the greedy, cake stealing pom. I have no shame. It's free cake!

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