How to Stay Married for 10 Years: Distortion and Apologies
In one month, Rob and I will be celebrating 10 years of complete marital bliss. Complete. Take the photo above for example. My husband took this picture of me and my sisters in a tree house. I'm twenty pounds heavier than them but it's obvious the camera has wildly distorted me. I look like a giant ape about to swing from the branches. After seeing it, I was whining about looking huge and told him to shift his position so he would have a direct forward shot. In my most condescending voice, I told him this small adjustment would help avoid distortion. His response? "Sharon, you're bigger than your sisters. I can't change that." Whoa. What is that suppose to mean, anyway? My face dropped and responded with something like, "You're awful!" and ran off to sob in the bathroom for hours. Just kidding. I made him take another picture. And this time make me look skinny damn it. He nailed it, even with my seething inside. He knew he said the stupidest thing and apologized a billion times. It took a few hours, but it eventually became our running joke of the trip.
This basically has been the set up for our entire marriage: Rob trying to do something nice for me (take a photo), I criticize it (no, stand here!), he gets defensive (you're big!), and then surprises me with brilliance anyway (nailed the shot). Insert a trillion apologies, and in the end, we've accumulated endless amounts of inside jokes because of our blunders. Complete marital bliss indeed.