5/21/13

Rob's Birthday Post: Happy Birthday!!

ella's smile is freaking me out. 
It's my husband's birthday. I'm running around trying not to make a big deal out it. In the mean time, here's something he sent me. He calls it his wiener post. Take it away Rob! Thanks for writing a post for your birthday . . .



If you’ve ever been over to our place then you know that we have the worst apartment layout ever. Our apartment opens up to a long hallway and the room directly in front of the entrance is the bathroom (pictures here).

This morning my kids (and my wife) forgot to close the front door on their way to school.  Unbeknownst to me, they actually left it wide open while I was taking a shower. I walked out of the bathroom butt naked only to discover that anyone walking down our hallway could see me in my birthday suit. Luckily for me and more importantly for my neighbors, no one (to my knowledge) was in the hallway at that time and I quickly closed the door. I was relieved, but it did remind me of this one time when I was in college…

I had gone home to California for Christmas break and needed a ride back to Idaho where I was attending school. Before heading home, I had picked up some girls number on a bulletin board that said she was driving back from the Bay Area to Rexburg Idaho and was looking for people who needed a ride and could kick in some money for gas.

Over the break we had spoken on the phone at setup a time and place where we would meet for the long drive back to Idaho. As we began our journey across the country, conversation was dull at best and I quickly realized we had little in common and that we were both content listening to the radio or our CD’s.

Somewhere in Nevada we pulled into one of those half KFC half Taco Bells. She hopped in line and I went to use the restroom. The restroom was positioned directly across from where the people were standing in line and consisted of one large room with a standard toilet.

I will attempt not to get to graphic here but I had to sit down to use the bathroom. After completing my duty I stood up to wipe. At this point, I need to call out the fact that I am standing in the middle of this room with my pants and underwear down around my ankles. That’s when the door opened. Somehow I had forgotten to lock the door. The problem was that the kid that had opened it was so shocked to see me standing their fully exposed and wiping my ass, that he just held the door open. And that’s when I saw her, the girl that had been driving me back to school over the last several hours.

There is zero chance that she didn’t see my private part. We made direct eye contact and I had one hand behind my back wiping and the other out stretched towards the door. I can still remember the look of disgust on her face. I shut the door. Finished up, washed my hands. Ordered a nacho supreme and a 7 layer burrito and ate them at a table by myself.

What was far more awkward than her seeing all of me, was the next several hours in the car. We never discussed it, and I got the sense that she was actually upset at me about the whole situation. In all fairness to her, I never was much to look at and I probably ruined her appetite.

P.S. This is not the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me in a restaurant bathroom… but I’ll save that story for another time.

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46 comments:

  1. i never, ever comment on posts, but i had to this once. Rob, I think i peed my pants at work from laughing so hard. i love it. thank you for this.

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  2. Me too!! Priceless

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  3. Thanks to both of you! I didn't see any comments (and I am extremely insecure) so I got nervous this was a bit too much for the NYC Taught Me crowd.

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    1. Hahahaha..Rob, that was hilarious!:) As I was reading this, I could actually hear your voice telling the story:) Hahahaha:) That is one of the best birthday suit stories of all time:) Keep up the great writing,Sharon & Rob!:)
      ~C
      P.S.HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!:):)

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  4. haha, so good. i think you and sharon may be the two most genuine people in the blogosphere.

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  5. Yep, I'm sitting here in the cafeteria at school choking on my coffee from laughing so hard!! I always have this exact fear about cavernous restrooms so thanks for making it seem more realistic ;) And happy birthday!

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  6. Wait, you stand up for that part? Is that conducive?

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  7. Hahahah!! Oh man, that is a great story! And not the most embarrassing, I'm intrigued. Can't imagine how the next few hours back to school went. Happy birthday, Rob and thanks for the laughter.

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  8. I am dying laughing!!! Happy Birthday Rob

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  9. Haha that is hilarious, thank you. But I'm with Erin, you stand up for that?!

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    1. hahahah again--love this question. maybe we should ask his mom. a bizarre potty training method?

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  10. Happy Birthday Rob, this was hilarious

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  11. Happy Birthday Rob, this was hilarious

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  12. I read this aloud to my husband because it was so funny! ahh! It made our night!

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  13. You guys are hilarious

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  14. oh my gosh! i am dying of laughter

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  15. Ha ha, this is too funny! Happy Birthday Rob!

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  16. hahahaha too funny!! Happy Birthday!

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  17. Happy Birthday! The food choice after it happened= funny and so confident. Taco Hell should be eaten alone anyways. Good riddens to her.

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  18. Love it!!! it is a great story.

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  19. I can't believe that after that episode you would proceed to eat Taco Bell--seems like it ups your chances of it happening again! ;) Y'all are hilarious.

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  20. Thanks for all your comments. I am glad everyone (my mom) thought it was funny. And I'm I really the only person/reader that wipes standing up?

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    1. I'm so confused.... I totally stand up !!

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    2. Eh... I wipe standing up too. I thought that was the correct way?

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    3. Mind. is. blown. I never knew some people *didn't* stand up! I've always stood to wipe, unless i'm in the stall with other girls, in which case i'm just going #1 anyway (but i normally stand up for numero uno too).

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    4. how do you even wipe sitting down?! I mean, please don't elaborate, but it seems like you'd only get one butt cheek! And yes, i'm anonymous because this is embarrassing.

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  21. i cannot stop laughing. especially since i'm assuming that girl (going to back to ricks i'm assuming?) had probably never really seen a naked man up close. soooo funny. happy birthday to your husband and i can only wish him private bathroom experiences for the forthcoming year!

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  22. HAHA this is hilarious! And, this is possibly TMI even for me and I am WAY too TMI but you did it first and I can't leave you alone on your bday: I stand up too! Happy Birthday! Stand proud!

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  23. jajjajaja he is so funny, really.. Rob. please start your own Blog.. please please.. your pinterest account is not enough!! :) oh and Hapy birthday..

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  24. This post made my day. It has been one of those days when my kids look so scruffy they could be homeless, the ice cream store was closed and I sat in a ton of traffic. And I laughed out loud reading this. Thanks.

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  25. mortifyingly funny... in retrospect! The rest of the ride sounds painful, I can't begin to imagine it!

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  26. I love your posts! The part that made me laugh the most was your order after the incident. I would have been put off food for some time, but you persevered - haha x infinity.

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  27. That is hilarious! I didn't realise this sort of thing actually ever happened?! But I respect you forever for posting about it!

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  28. I love your stories! Happy Birthday

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  29. This story is amazing, so glad you shared (my husband especially, since he has a similar story).

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  30. I heard your voice retelling this story aloud as I read it in my head. What a great, funny ordeal. I can feel the awkward, tense ride after your exposure. Please don't leave us too long wondering about your MOST embarrassing bathroom moment!

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  31. Do we have to wait for your next birthday to read about your worst public restroom moment? Don't be cruel.

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  32. Love this story! Also, happy birthday.

    My most memorable fast food restroom moment was the time I almost got into a physical fight with a woman outside the whataburger bathroom while my friends looked on from the dining area. Classic.

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  33. Happy Birthday Rob! You should totally start a blog and maybe you can team up with Sharon to write a true and funny book together :)

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  34. Interesting article thanks for sharing this site stuff with me.

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