5/30/13

Rob's Bathroom Story

I went to the open mic night thing on Tuesday night. Something got messed up and I didn't get a a time slot. I'm glad I didn't because I sat through the show and got a feel for the audience. What I was going to read wouldn't have gone over well. Good news is I have a guaranteed spot next week. If it goes ok, I think I could get addicted to this sort of thing. It would definitely push me to write more thoughtful pieces. I'll keep you posted. In the mean time, as promised, here's Rob's most embarrassing bathroom story . . .
i am smiling. 
A few days ago Sharon posted this story about an embarrassing incident that happened to me in a Taco Bell bathroom. At the end of the post, I mentioned that it wasn’t the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me in a restaurant restroom, this was …



My senior year in high school I went on a road trip for spring break with some of my best guy friends. We drove down to San Diego with a couple of surfboards (pretending to be surfers) looking for girls that wanted to make-out.

When we arrived in San Diego we stopped in at some taco shop and I went to use the restroom. As I was going pee (standing-up) my buddy Scott snuck up behind. He pushed me in the back and held me against the urinal. I can’t explain exactly how it feels to have your wiener pressed up against the porcelain of a urinal with water running down it, so I’ll just say it was gross. He held me there for a bit as I screamed and then finally let me go. We both laughed about it and went back to lunch like nothing happened.

The week went by and we had a great time filled with a number of dumb teenage pranks. On our way back to the Bay Area we stopped in at a Denny’s for breakfast. It was about 5:00 AM and we all piled into a corner booth. I ordered my favorite “moons over my hammy” and went to take a leak.

When I heard the door open behind me, I got ready. I stood at the urinal and waited for one of my friends to approach me from behind. When I was certain one of them was standing directly behind me, I turned around and with my manhood in hand I started pissing.

It wasn’t one of my friends. It was some random Denny’s employee that had come in to clean the bathroom. He was holding a broom and a dustpan and he was in shock. He didn’t say a word. He just started at me as if he was unable to process what had just happened. I was mortified.

I shoved my wiener back into my underwear as fast as I could and ran for the door. The entire incident happened so quickly that I hadn’t finished urinating and I continued peeing in my pants as I ran out. I thought about going to back to my table for my food but I couldn’t risk seeing that guy again, so I went straight to the car.

Can you imagine going to work at 5:00 AM to clean a bathroom, probably making minimum wage and some random stranger turns around and pees on you? To this day I feel really bad about the whole thing. I wish I could get the look on his face out of my memory.  
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28 comments:

  1. O M G!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROOOOB!! hahahaaa

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  2. Haha this made me laugh sooo much!

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  3. HA HA HA! Rob, I'm totally sharing that one with Tommy - he'll get a huge kick out of it....

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  4. where are you finding these pictures of me... I look like a drunken humanities teacher at a community college.

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    1. Hahahahahaha, I love that you are guest posting and don't get to control the photo content! That is exactly what you look like!

      Amazing story. Almost peed in my pants just reading it.

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  5. A little TMI....but Priceless!:) "Moons over My Hammy"...only in Denny's:)Hahahaha:) I wonder where the man with the broom & dustpan is now....maybe standup?...you gave him some great material! My cheeks (not butt) are hurting:)Hahaha
    ~C

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  6. That is def bad. BUT I find the other one even worse. At least you didn't have to get in a car and drive for hours with him like u did with the girl in the taco bell story!

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    1. I have to agree. This one gave me a good chuckle, but the other one would've been worse in my book, spending the next several, awkward hours with that person. But, Lord, peeing on someone... can't imagine, haha. Poor guy.

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  7. I don't know that I've ever laughed out loud at a blog post - hysterical!

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  8. This is soooo funny -in retrospect I guess!- made me start my day laughing! Happy me!

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  9. bahaha, you just made my night!

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  10. Rob's stories are the best. Good luck at Open Mic Night!

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  11. Love it. I was laughing out out (actually, my husband called it 'cackling') by the second the last paragraph- still urinating as you ran away! Oh, so awful and hilarious. I like the comment about the drunk humanities professor, too :)

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  12. Laughing so hard I almost choked! Hahahahah!

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  13. Hahahaha this is laugh out loud hysterical!! I can only imagine the employee's face and the fact you didn't finish going to the bathroom. This is too good but I'm sure it was mortifying at the time. Thanks for sharing.

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  14. professor beesleyMay 31, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    Thanks glad it made you laugh... but T or F this was an overshare?

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    1. You seem to have connected to your readers/audience with your wonderful sense of humor. Bravo!:) Keep the hilarious stories coming, Pro-B:)
      ~C

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  15. Oh yeah, this beat the last story.

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  16. Sharon is very lucky to have dibs on such a hilarious guest poster! :)

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  17. I have a friend who, while cleaning tables at Starbucks, once snuck up behind someone he thought he knew who was sitting enjoying a coffee, and rubbed the dirty dishtowel he had been using to clean tables with in the guy's face. only to have the guy turn around and be a total stranger. Imagine enjoying a coffee at Starbucks when some whack job employee comes and rubs a dirty dish cloth in your face! Still makes me laugh for hours!

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  18. lol prof, I don't know so I would make an F that looked a lot like a T and hope for the best.

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  19. hahahaha I don't think I have laughed this hard all year. This was just the best story ever written. I read it to my super refined mom and she busted up. Please share more stories, Rob!!

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  20. hahahahah holy cow that is hilarious. i can't stop laughing.

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  22. You are noticing the minimum wage thing but still you were willing to pee outside of the urinal - even though it was for a prank on your friends - who do you think would´ve had to clean that up?! You totally deserved peeing your pants!

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  24. Without question, the BEST bathroom story ever. This is Desiree's mom. I stop in on occassion to read your wife's blog. When I saw the title of this post, and knowing Danny, I just knew this was going to be an awesome story. You exceeded my expectations!

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