Last year at this time I was crying to Liz about moving. I never wanted to leave San Francisco. It was my town. I ADORED it. A year later I find myself ADORING Manhattan. Funny how life works out like that. All that stress I felt and wondering how it was going to all work out? Finding a place to live. Making new friends. Ella's school. I don't even think about it anymore because I love my house, Ella's school, and my new friends. Now I've moved on to the next stresses. Becoming a working mom, working for free, finding time.
I thought having all my kids in school would give me a break. Ha! Does that ever happen? It's always such a let down to find out that each phase of life is just as hard as the last. Well, except for the major phases. Like when my mom died when I was 18. And the first year with twins. And the second year too. Third?
Today is only the second day I've stayed at home since the kids started school full time. Other than that, I've been getting the kids ready, dropping them off at school, going straight to my internship, picking the kids up, coming home, making dinner, putting the kids to bed, and going to bed myself. I went to bed at 8pm last night. I'm tired.
Sometimes I wonder if I had my mom around at times like this she could tell me what to do. Or at least tell me her experiences with working and juggling it all. That's the kind of stuff I forgot to ask her. I miss her at the most unexpected times. Today, September 20th, 2011. Not Mother's Day, not her birthday or the day she died. Just a quiet Tuesday. It surprises me every time. I like it that way because the longer she's dead, the more I worry that I stopped missing her. But hooray! I still miss her! I still need her! I hope somehow someway she knows that. That would make me happy.