5/21/11

Happy Birthday Rob. You're my favorite.


Happy Birthday Rob. You're my favorite. 
Rob likes to keep his Birthdays extremely low key. His mother warned me that he's been like this since he was a boy. I've been married to him for almost 8 years and I'm still trying to figure out how to celebrate it. This year I decided to do nothing. No cake. No wrapped presents. No special dinner. He was completely happy with this idea.
But the problem was me. I started treating today like it was a normal day. Barking at him for not cleaning up after lunch. Getting annoyed because he still hadn't unpacked his suitcase from his work trip. It had been sitting in our bedroom since Thursday night.
This, apparently, is not what he wanted for his birthday. My argument: I thought you didn't want to do anything special today! And I went on ranting and raving. I'm sure my neighbors heard me and think I'm an absolute moron.
After my lecture, I walked out of the apartment with three loads of laundry to the basement. It was good I got out to give me sometime to think. And that's when it came to me:  while he didn't need presents and balloons and banners, I did. To remind myself that this was a day to be nice to him. I finally figured this out 8 birthdays too late. So I walked out of my building and picked up his favorite dinner from the Greek restaurant around the corner. And then I picked up his favorite snacks: Double stuffed Oreo cookies and those crappy powdered donuts from the drugstore. I was tempted to wrap them with a big bow, but I resisted.
Now I know. Next birthday I'll buy a few simple things to give him throughout the day. Not that he'll necessarily want anything, but to remind myself to be nice. At least I have Father's day around the corner to make up for it. I love you Rob. Happy Birthday. You're my favorite times three.

8 comments:

  1. Do you watch "Bethany Ever After"? If not, it's this reality show about a couple in New York. It reminds me about an episode where she kept telling her husband and friends she didn't want to make her birthday a big deal and everyone pushed her to have this big birthday party. No one listened to her and she ended up having a breakdown at the party and was totally embarrased. Anyways, my point is I'm glad you listened to Rob. So often I think we push people to have the kind of day WE would like instead of listening to what they want and then no one ends up happy. I'm dying to have people sing to Mike at a restaurant on his Birthday someday but he's told me many times not to do it. (And not in a "wink, wink, please don't do it" but a seriously, please don't do it kind of way.) Now put on some lingere and make baby number 4, you sexy thang!
    -Jeannine
    (too much? hahaha)

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  2. haha. he's watching basketball right now. i'll keep you posted how the night goes!

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  3. Hi. A question (some advice?) from a much older (happy) wife: Why would you need to be "reminded" to be nice to the person you love and are married to? I would think that would be the "default mode". Wishing you and your family much happiness.

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  4. Anon: totally valid point. i'm working on it :)

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  5. Happy Birthday to Rob! And I get it, I always want a low key birthday, the attention makes me blush. You two are such a great couple.

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  6. It's funny, I have a husband named Rob who is the same exact way. It's not that he doesn't want his birthday celebrated, it's that he wants it celebrated by everyone leaving him alone and doing nothing. Usually a pizza (or two) and a Star Wars marathon are what he wants, with his cell shut off.

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  7. I think its always good to reflect on how we are treating loved ones. Life gets in the way of ideals. Ideally I would always, without fault, treat my husband with respect and love, never letting frustration rule my emotions and only treating him how I would want to be treated. But again, life gets in the way and I forget, and then I must remind myself of how I want to treat him. If you are not reflecting on life including how you are treating others.. you will be complacent and that is a horrid way to exist.

    You seem like a wonderful mom and wife!!! love your blog!

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